First Lieutenant Hawkeye
by DarkVixenOfLight
Summary: /oneshot, shounen-ai, RoyxEd/ Roy knew he could only let his weaknesses show around Edward. Well, make that Edward and a certain female Lieutenant Colonel. And that's where the chaos began.


Started this in 2007 and somehow managed to finish it now… Don't really like the end half coz it doesn't really explain the first paragraph... I don't remember what I had in mind back then though. According to notes I'd written to myself, it was based on a theme found on toukakoukan dot com. Attempt at humour...not very successful though :S oh well, enjoy?

_Disclaimer: Characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa / Funimation._

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Roy Mustang was a strong man. As one of the many State Alchemists who had been involved in the Ishbal War, he, like others, had learnt to keep his deepest thoughts and feelings inside. He never let his guard down, never revealing his own weaknesses or flaws, but in the presence of one beautiful exception – Edward Elric.

…Well. Edward, and Lieutenant Colonel Riza Hawkeye. And that's where the chaos began.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FILTHY, LYING, CHEATING, EGOTISTICAL, SADISTIC, WOMANIZING, HEARTLESS COLONEL BASTARD!"

Roy squeaked uncharacteristically, hiding behind the sofa. A red and gold blur raced past the living room door, as Roy predicted would happen, letting the man sneak out into the corridor to escape to the bedroom.

The blond may have been loud, but he was not deaf.

"Oh no you DON'T, Mustang!" Edward roared, changing direction with a stumble. "YOU CAN'T KEEP RUNNING! I CAN USE ALCHEMY!"

"And I have fire," Roy retorted, holding up a gloved hand warningly. "For such a small person, he sure is noisy," he muttered to himself distractedly, dodging into a closet.

"GET OUT OF THERE, STUPID TAISA!" Edward pounded on the closet door, yelling something wordless.

"No." Roy tried a different approach. "Not until you calm down, _Fullmetal_."

There was a pause in the pounding as Edward frowned. Then there was a thump against the door; Roy realised Ed had sat down in front of the closet. "HOW can you expect me to _calm down_? I hate you!"

"Edward. Just calm down and let me explain –"

"Shut up, I don't need to hear your excuses!"

Roy sighed, deciding it was better to stay silent. He didn't have to wait long.

"…I can't believe you would do this," Edward finally sniffed. "Well, I can, because the whole department knows how much you like _women_." He almost spat the last word, and Roy heard the bitterness in his voice. "But who thought that the proud Flame Alchemist would _cheat_? If you tired of me, you could have at least told me! I was prepared. It wouldn't be surprising if you'd dropped me as soon as those dumb blonde girls you used to have every other week – in fact it's more surprising that you've stayed with me as long as you have! But now I find you've been going behind my back? And with Hawkeye! She's not just a pretty face and you know it. The Lieutenant is going to shoot your brains out one day – or will a workplace romance make you less lazy when it comes to doing your dreaded paperwork?"

Roy didn't bother correcting Ed and telling him that _they_ were already having a 'workplace romance'. Quietly unlocking the closet door from the inside, Roy interrupted the boy's ramble. "Edward," he drawled, in a way that made the blond shiver involuntarily, "Please step aside from the door."

The younger alchemist wasn't called a prodigy for nothing. But he was stubborn. "No. You can stay in there," he pouted childishly.

Roy sighed again. Then pushed. The door flew open and Ed was thrown forward with a surprised yelp. Scrambling to get to his feet, the blond swore under his breath as he shot a glare at the colonel. When Roy just smiled in return and strode over to the boy calmly, Ed turned his back on him. "I hate you," he growled.

"Oh?" Roy wrapped his arms around Edward's small frame, lowering his head to plant a light kiss on the boy's ear. "Do you really?"

Ed stiffened, resolved in staying angry with the colonel. He wouldn't admit it, but Roy had hurt him a lot more than the younger alchemist would ever show.

"Well, Ed?" he continued to drawl, "Do you? Because I don't…"

"That's because I'd never cheat on you," the blond hissed.

"Edward," Roy began seriously. "I haven't been cheating on you. I haven't been going behind your back with the Lieutenant," – here Ed growled dangerously – "or anyone else. I never have and never will during the period of our relationship," – another growl – "which I hope will equate to the period of my, and your, life."

Ed was silent. Roy let the boy think for a moment before continuing.

"Well I'm not sure what lead you to believe –"

A mistake. Edward turned to give him an incredulous look. "You have a million photos of Hawkeye in all your damned drawers! You stay late for work on _Friday_ nights – _our_ nights – and then come back home 'tired', talking all about her! And don't get me started on your future miniskirt policy, and –"

"I have a million photos of Hughes too," Roy interrupted, ignoring the blond's furious glare. "And don't you dare suggest what that could mean. You _know_ why I stay late, the Fuhrer orders us to and obviously I have to stay in his favour, as you well know. And the last doesn't even deserve an explanation."

There was a moment of angry silence as Ed tried to think of a good retort.

"Well, hmph," was his brilliant reply as he crossed his arms with a pout.

"You are really so cute," Roy suddenly grinned, pulling the boy in closer and tightening his hold in preparation for what he was about to say next. "Just like a cute little puppy – all bark and no bite."

As expected, Ed fell for the bait, waving his arms around furiously. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BABY ANIMAL WHO IS SO SMALL THEY WOULDN'T EVEN MAKE AN INDENT WHEN THEY BITE INTO SOMETHING BECAUSE…Because…They're so small…" he trailed off, clearly too tired to think of anything more intelligent.

"Why, you, of course," the older alchemist murmured, lowering his head to Ed's ear and nibbling his lobe gently. He was rewarded by Ed's sharp intake of breath, and a slight shudder as he gave the ear a lick. "But as you know, I like your bites –" he nipped the boy's neck playfully to demonstrate " – and I like you."

Roy stopped to look seriously at Edward. "Only you. I love you, Ed, and that's never going to change. I will never leave you, least of all for Hawkeye." He didn't miss the boy's slight twitch at the name, but chose to ignore it.

"Promise?" Those bright golden orbs stared hard at Roy, a pool of mixed emotions. To some it might have been confusing, the unsaid words behind those eyes, but the flame alchemist was well accustomed to reading Ed's feelings after his many years studying the boy.

"I promise."

Ed's head fell forwards against Roy's chest; he let out a long breath, hugging the man tightly. "I love you too, Bastard," he mumbled with the hint of a blush.

Roy just smiled, stroking the boy's hair slowly. It was always like this – Ed would get the idea into his head that Roy was flirting or having an affair with his close subordinate. They would fight, with varying degrees of yelling and violence. But then, Roy would explain, reassuring the young alchemist where his feelings and loyalties lied. And all would be well again in the two alchemists' life… At least, until the next time.

It kept their relationship interesting, Roy mused. And he certainly wouldn't have it, or Ed, any other way.


End file.
